Temple Predictions – October 2019

We've been o-so-right and o-so-wrong, but nothing beats prediction the announcement of new temples.

Branson Missouri

Joseph: Wake up, Sheeple, Rogers/Bentonville ain’t it! But you know what could be? That honky-tonk loving Capital of Kitsch, Mecca of Metamucil, and the true Rome where all roads lead to…eventually. I’m talking about the glitzy glam and folksy charm (100% monetized) the entertainment gem of the Ozark and favorite haunt of the Osmonds: Branson, Missouri.

Geoff: Oh boy. True story. I was recently carpooling with strangers (which is a thing out here) and the driver talked about visiting family in Missouri and enjoying visiting Branson, “But not to see the touristy stuff, to go where the locals go,” you see. I took that to mean Walmart.

OK, we’re all allowed a jokey post when we do this, but no. This isn’t happening. There’s not much of a Church presence there, and the Rogers/Bentonville area is too close, with much more churchiness to be had. If a temple doesn’t go on the Arkansas side for some reason, we can presume God has cursed the land for the prominence of the Huckabee family. Or the Clintons. Pick your side, cast an aspersion. You know the drill.

Joseph: Think of the amazing curio cabinets with honky tonk salt and pepper shakers that could decorate the celestial room, Geoff!

Geoff: Southwestern Missouri is actually beautiful, you noob. I guarantee it is prettier than where you live, and no, proximity to the Red Iguana does not count for anything.

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